I am not comfortable with being dependent on other people.

This is a writing about growing up.
Well, sort of.

Mother and I
Growing up with a relatively humble background, I never really have the privilege to travel around, I never complained much about that though. I was a chilled kid who day-dreamed a lot.

I have always thought that there is nothing much to learn from my parents. Only later do I realize that just because they don't lecture you with their voices, they don't have any educational background, that they are still poor, don't mean there is nothing to learn from them.

Graduating from university and starting my "adulthood" experience makes me cherish my parents and every one around me more and more.

We are all born with different circumstances. People are over- and under-privilege. My mother, albeit her love for studying, had to halt her education at the age of 7 due to poverty and to take care of her 4 other siblings. Her childhood, adolescence and basically the first 3.5 decades of her life revolves around doing hard work for the sake of her family. I don't think she has a choice, nor freedom.
I only appreciate her after I really "grow up" and started to think from her perspectives.

Unlike her, I have the opportunities for receiving educations, I have the freedom to choose. I have a lot of other choices that may seems nothing when I lay them out to you, but was luxury for her back then. She is the woman who feeds me everyday, brought me to school everyday, bought ice-creams when I asked her to, and endlessly cared for me. Parents are the only ones who would give up their own enjoyment for our well-being. And they never complaint about it.

(And I felt so bad for my puberty misbehaviour for my mother!)

Ever since I started working, the feeling of empowering myself and be able to take good care of my family is growing stronger and stronger. This is my goal and I will work really hard towards it.

Going to Places

However, in the coming years I will have to go abroad for further studies. And it was an unknown place for me. I know nobody there and I will have to work part-time to cover the cost.
I was very intimidated, nervous, scared.
It should be exciting. Everyone was exciting.
But no, there is no exciting, just freight and uncertainties.
And I must say, these feelings are originated from my own financial situations. I don't have a lot to begin with. And I will have to work really really hard in order to finish the course of studies. I don't want to be a burden of my family and friends. I hate being dependent on the others.
Unlike many of my friends, some of them are used to being taken care of, comfortable with parent's handling all the difficulties. I want to be able to beat the odds and I don't want my family to ever have to worry for me.

Now some people are probably thinking it's easy to move abroad and all the stress that I have are unnecessary. However I think you can only truly understand when you experience that by yourself. The stress and the irritation are simply there when you don't have enough money to survive!

Come to think about it, the coming years are all about
Saving Money + Working My Ass Off + Surviving in a foreign land!
It's exactly how my mom started out !
If your mom can do it, there's no reason to be afraid!

I must have the best positive mentality and an unbeatable energy level in the coming years!